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Ground Wire

“You have power over your mind- not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” Marcus Aurelius

In electrical circuits, a ground wire is used to offer the current a way into the ground. It is a built in protective system by providing an alternate path for the voltage to go instead of your house or on you. As long as the hot and neutral wires work properly, the ground wire can just relax and hang out. The ground is simply a backup plan in case these wires malfunction (or a raccoon eats one for dinner) and the current has nowhere else to go.

Coping skills for mood and anxiety are similar. You might have a “standard” set of skills that are habitual for everyday use-which work most of the time when things are going well. These might be to sleep well, eat a good diet, and exercise. They are the fun things, too, and don’t feel much like work- more of your hobbies might fall into this category. Your favorite music, books, and activities that you try to do on regular basis as time allows. This is when things are going pretty smoothly and you’re focusing on prevention. The hot and neutral wires are doing their job.

However, when things ramp up a bit and get more stressful, we encounter a seasonal change, mood episode, or daylight savings time ruins our rhythm, we have a break in the circuit. We need to reroute the voltage to the ground wire. We need another set of skills. Sometimes we forget about this list because they’re not ones we’re doing all the time. Research shows our skills require practice in order to be effective, but it’s only completely honest and practical to acknowledge there’s only so much time. To ease this pressure, I recommend we have another set of tools on hand.

What’s your ground wire? What’s your contingency plan, and how will you know when it’s time to use it?

Consider these points when identifying your ground:

  • What do you find comforting and healthy?
  • Think in balance and moderation
  • Think about who, where, and what comes to your mind when you think about feeling well. Conversely, what, who, and where might you avoid or cut back when you don’t?
  • Consider adding exercise for your body, mind, and spirit in whatever ways those feel good to you.
  • When it feels like the same old depression/anxiety/situation again, consider that you haven’t tried everything yet. Please be open to new treatments, therapies, activities, hobbies, people, and ways to live a full, healthy, and spiritual life.

These plans-your ground wire- help you insulate yourself for when things might go wrong in the electrical circuit. After all, isn’t that what mental illness are-a particular type of wiring in the brain?

Fight the stigma of mental illness. We are here to help you find and fight it.

Shauna

 

 

A New Year or New You?

“Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.” -Hal Borland

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. I often set goals or decide I am going to do something, but I against affirming a resolution merely because the calendar flips a page.

I am, however, a proponent of continuously trying to improve based on objective (or one might argue subjective) evidence of things I lack or could do better. I am opposed to the build up and pressure of the New Year’s resolution, because I see how individuals often feel really badly when they don’t meet it. This got me thinking- is the new year simply an opportunity for those who already fight negative thoughts an avenue for self-criticism?

Do any of these sound familiar?

  • “Why can’t I keep going to the gym?”
  • “Why can’t I quit smoking for more than a few weeks?”
  • “I have no willpower.”
  • “Why can’t I just stay in school/at a job/with a partner?”
  • “Things will never change, this is what I always do.”
  • “I already fell off the wagon, so who cares.”
  • “I am weak.”

Those who are affected by depression or anxiety are cautioned to watch their thought process, as automatic negative thoughts tend to interfere with self-esteem and mood. During a holiday season which is often stressful, melancholy, or anxiety provoking for many, we tend to cap it all off with a commitment to “fix” all that we think is wrong with us by offering a resolution to the world that we will be better in some way. I can’t really imagine a more perfect storm for someone with a mood or anxiety disorder to engage in a process primed for self-criticism and negativity.

There’s a fine line between stating a resolution to work on something versus drowning in self-criticism or self-hatred. Depression, anxiety, or society in general will always tell you there is something wrong, something to be fixed, and something that makes you unlovable. The truth is, you are whole and completely lovable without losing weight, without switching to a whole food diet and without taking more time for yourself.

I am here to tell you this: there is nothing wrong with you. Improve if you wish. Set goals if you would like to work on something. Get healthier if you feel you have unhealthy habits-I am certainly not advocating that you continue an unhealthy lifestyle. But I do feel the need to tell you that those things are to be healthier, not better. You as a person do not need “better.”

Keep an ear to your thoughts and let someone know if they become too negative, critical, or are affecting your mood. Keep in mind that you can always improve and be healthier, but you do not need to be better. You are already perfect in who you are, and the world needs you. People who love you just want you to be you. Remember that the journey is simply in the going on of things, not because the calendar moves to a new year. We are always moving forward, even when it is difficult, ungraceful, or ugly. We go on.

If you choose to set a resolution, please do not set yourself up for failure. Keep goals reasonable and realistic, practice self-forgiveness, and do not allow one mistake to be a reason to quit or feel badly about yourself. Do it for health, not because you need to be “better.” Do it for you, not someone else. Do it because you want it, and do not allow the voice of criticism to interfere with your goals. 

You deserve so much more than that negative voice. Take on your mental health. May 2019 be filled with all that you need to create what you desire.

Shauna

The Truth

When I was in elementary school, I had a teacher who often said, “there are three sides to every story: one for each person, and one for the truth.” She would present the class with this tidbit of knowledge whenever students would argue about something. I remember sitting in second grade thinking, “That’s it?! Those are the only choices? That doesn’t sound right.” I understand what she was trying to tell us, but we know the intricacies of the human mind far outweigh what we can possibly understand. Having a higher consciouness means that humans tend to think about things in four dimensions-in every direction including time! How can we keep ourselves grounded and in the present, in one’s search for truth and meaning?

Who’s to say what the truth really is? If my story is different from your story, and we each have our own perspective, than where is the “truth?” Further, where is the truth amoungst our feelings? As life presents its various problems and situations to us, how can we find our truth-whether it’s a decision to make, how we feel, or a perspective?

Anxiety and depression can cause a case of the hamster wheel thoughts. If you live with one of these disorders, you know what I’m talking about- the “if this, than that”, or “but if it’s that, than this” and on and on it goes. At times, it seems as if we can conjure an argument to any opposing side of any situation based on how we feel at the moment. Mental paralysis sets in, and decisions are not made and feelings are not sorted out, and we are left exhausted with our wheels spinning. Moreover, our feelings can be left jumbled in a mess that is daunting to unravel, much less identify. How can we break the cycle?

Here are my tips to getting off the wheel:

1. Recognize that not doing is also an option. 

Don’t feel pressured by anxiety or depression, or overwhelming thoughts of any kind. You can always not act. Much like walking away from the car salesperson-uncomfortable, yes, but you are not obligated to buy a car. If you are overwhelmed or unsure, there is nothing wrong with waiting. I remind myself that I can always act or speak later if I choose. Choosing to not act is not the same as allowing the hamster wheel to run wild; it is actually choosing to observe instead of engage.

2. Try to separate the feelings from the decision. 

These situations remind me of quadratic equations in algebra: there are more than one variable to sort out. If you can remove your feelings from the equation, you can be left with a simpler set of facts. I typically use the “friend” strategy; if I were hearing this situation from a friend, what would I advise? Sometimes a perspective shift is needed in order to get our emotions out of things temporarily.

3. Remember that sometimes, there is no ideal solution. 

This one is hard for me. I like to solve problems, and I want there to be a clear answer. Of course, life usually presents us with the opposite: a complex issue with multiple factors and multiple tracjectories. Sometimes it comes down to figuring out what holds closest to our values and ideals, and how we can look ourselves in the mirror each morning. And for others, we have to accept that there is no “best” way to act. Regardless, reminding ourselves that there is literally no good answer is helpful.

4. Zoom out. 

This strategy also helps me gain perspective. Ask yourself questions: how will I feel about this in six months? Five years? What narrative will I tell myself and others about this situation? Is it possible this matters less in the future than it does right now? In the big picture, how does this affect me/my family/my career? What is the most important thing to me right now? What am I most worried about? What can I let go of, even if it hurts my pride or goes against how I would normally behave?

We want to get off the hamster wheel not to minimize our situation or our feelings, but to help us gain an understanding of the true effects of our choices down the road. Once we can accept and acknowledge that the issue on our doorstep isn’t necessarily what requires our attention, we can decide where to focus our efforts. Good things and bad things are going to happen no matter what, but how we think while we wait for them is up to us. How we engage in our thoughts determines how we feel. If we attend to the untrue things, we miss our own voice in the process.

My teacher, rest her soul, was wrong. We all hold our truth. The truth is really within us, all the time. We need only to pull away from the noise to hear it.

What Is Bravery?

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.'” -Mary Anne Radmacher

Bravery gets a bad rap in the mental health world. We still seem to get stuck on the idea that we should be able to push through our symptoms without the help of medication or a good therapist. We still seem to think that we will “cure” our disease and get past it. We still want to do it on our own.

Never mind that we have empirical, scientific data to show mental illnesses in the brain, or that there are numerous peer reviewed studies showing the positive effects of various treatments such as cognitive behavioral therapy. In a world where independence, self-sufficiency, and competency is rewarded, needing support is neither validated nor encouraged. But it’s time we move past these biases and see our symptoms for what they really are: a disease which is part of us but does not define us. A disease for which help is available, should you choose to seek it. A disease which has no one “right” way, but many paths towards recovery if you decide to be open to the possibilities that lie ahead.

Perhaps bravery isn’t the loud, gladiator style fighting that society tends to value. Perhaps our road to wellness lies within our ability to ask for help. Maybe our courage is quiet, and maybe it lies with medication, therapy, nature, yoga, friendship, or any number of skills we have at our disposal. There is no right way to be courageous and it may simply be that you keep going. Perhaps bravery is the ability to search and discover, try new things, see what works and what doesn’t, and honor your voice among the shattering noises of difficulty and distraction. Asking for help is not incompatible with being brave. You can be brave and continue, because you already are.

We are human and so we are brave and beautiful individuals. Choose to ask for help whether you are loud or quiet. Choose to keep going towards wellness and to take on your mental health.

 

Should I Go To Therapy?

“To be ill adjusted to a deranged world is not a breakdown.” -Jeanette Winterson

How do you know if therapy is right for you? Here are some points to ponder if you’re considering seeking a provider:

  • Therapy is not like talking to a friend

Friends and family can be part of a large and wonderful fabric of support, but talking with a therapist is different. Ideally a counselor is objective and focused, and challenges you to think differently. We are not satisfied with the status quo, and it goes without saying that therapy is a one sided relationship unique to any other.

  • You may be assigned a diagnosis

Sometimes people are worried about going to therapy because they don’t want to be assigned a diagnosis; in reality, most insurance companies do require some sort of diagnostic code to approve payment. However, many individuals discover they are experiencing what I refer to as “life stuff.” Perhaps you aren’t a person that has had major depressive episodes in your lifetime, but you may have a major decision on the horizon, and talking out the pros and cons might help you refine what you’d like to do. Death of a loved one, life transitions, and adjustment to parenting are other examples where the support of a therapist might greatly enhance your healing. Please do not be intimidated by the idea of a diagnosis, as you may have one or you may not. Regardless, I encourage you to challenge mental health stigma when you see it and reflect on what a diagnosis might mean to you.

  • You need help to create the change you have been waiting to see

Most of us are busy people with many balls in the air, and finding the time and the mental space for therapy can take some real focus. You may be experiencing symptoms of an illness that create obstacles to your attention, motivation, or insight. If you know that you would like to see change in your life or within yourself, yet you haven’t been able to make this happen, talking with a therapist might give you some much needed clarity and perspective.

  • If at first you don’t succeed, try another therapist

Therapy is personal, and the alliance is paramount. If you do not feel comfortable with someone that you’ve met with once, a hundred times, or any number in between, meet with someone else. There is a personality out there for each of us, and sometimes it takes a little trial and error to find it. Do not assume that all therapy is not for you, it simply might need to be a different provider.

  • There is nothing wrong with you

I’ve written it before and I will continue to write it: there is nothing wrong with you. You are human, imperfect, tenacious, strong willed, individual, and spirited. You are continuing and moving toward the future. You may find a therapist beneficial in helping you “course correct” and provide a sounding board for all that you do not know exists or cannot verbalize to others. We are available to you, but there is nothing “wrong”; only what is, and what you would like to see change. Remember your strengths and use them to propel you towards your goals.

You can take on your mental health. Whether you choose therapy or use other positive ways of living, a healthier, balanced you lies ahead.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s So Nice Out-Why Do I Feel Bad?

Here in the Mid-Atlantic, we have four seasons, which means more barometric pressure and seasonal flux to impact our bodies and minds. Sometimes people are surprised to learn that spring and summer are busy times for mental health practitioners. This time of year is difficult for many, and it feels counter-intuitive. The nicer weather coupled with longer days seem to instrinsically mean we don’t struggle with our moods or anxiety.

In fact, the opposite is often true. At times, the opposing situation can highlight something you didn’t notice originally as striking in contrast. You’re reading this text on a different color as the background; a black paper isn’t as noticeable on a dark table. When colors oppose one another, they become more obvious to our eyes. The same is true for our brains and how we see our moods. Perspective shifts occur when the outside world looks so wonderful: budding flowers, fuller trees, more sun, and longer days can make our low moods or buzzing anxiety feel louder and at the forefront. Everyone around us is happier, which also highlights a contrast. There is more comradery in the winter when many others (even those without a diagnosis) feel lower and more lethargic, so there is strength in numbers. We all talk about how the early darkness and cold temperatures affect our moods, whether we have a diagnosis or not. It’s “normal” to be bad in the winter. When spring hits and everyone bounces upward, it can be hard for those who don’t despite their best efforts.

It’s also true that people with seasonal shifts to their moods will have more difficulty in the spring instead of during the winter, which seems to not fit our stereotypical idea of seasonal patterns. We’re supposed to feel more depressed in winter, right? But that’s not what always happens.

Unfortunately, much like the holiday season, spring and summer come with travel plans, vacations, and family outings. Individuals who don’t have much family, do not have financial means to travel, or who choose not to associate with unhealthy members face this discrepancy from others around them. Social media makes it harder to escape the trips and family photos, and this again can contrast not only with a person’s chemical imbalance, but lack of healthy, supportive friends and family.

If you know someone who has a diagnosis, please take this opportunity to reach out to them. Do not assume that because there is more warmth and sunshine that they are feeling better. They may be having a more difficult time and they may have a harder time saying it, so try to be sensitive to this.

Try to be patient with yourself if you are one of many who are struggling now. Take care of yourself and focus on your wellness plan, even if you have to let other less important things go a bit. Take this time as an opportunity to educate others on the stereotypes of mental health stigma, especially at this time of year. Remember to keep on going-and what they say in Delaware: If you don’t like the weather, just wait a few minutes! Our brain chemistry may not change so quickly, but we can keep at our wellness and our skills.Take on your wellness, and take on your mental health.

Stylistic Differences

My husband could tell you how much I love to argue.

Arguing isn’t really the right word, as it has such a negative connotation. I like to bicker, debate, dissect, and discuss. I like to hear what the other person has to say and toss it around in my head until I see something else, or collaborate on a new idea. I enjoy the “what ifs” and the “what elses” and the “maybes.” Disagreeing to me means that our discussion is interesting and dynamic, and that you’ll think of things that I didn’t. And I like having to prove my point, if it’s needed, because it means I really need to know what I’m talking about. Needless to say, I thrive on these mental challenges, and it is a huge part of the reason why I love my work.

Plain and simple: I think that two heads (yours and mine) really are better than one.

That’s just part of my particular style that I bring into the office. If you’re in therapy or looking to start, it’s important to know your style and that of the person you’re choosing. Here are some good questions to mull over and potentially ask a new provider, especially if you also enjoy a good problem-solving debate.

1. In general, how much feedback do you offer during sessions? If I have a question or decision to make, how do you see your role in that process? 

Asking this question may elicit information that you find useful. Some people look for a lot of feedback and others don’t- so knowing what level of participation to expect can be very helpful for a new person. The style of feedback may vary, as some therapists are more directive than others, but it may help to find out how much discussion you can expect during an appointment.

2. How do you feel if I (as the patient) don’t try the things you suggest? 

Here’s the thing: you’re seeking therapy because you want to change or want help with something, and so hearing new ideas are part of the deal. It will be uncomfortable at times, but change does not occur without discomfort. However, if you’re feeling that the therapist is not understanding why you’re not trying things, it can signal that you’re either working with the wrong person, or you’re not prepared to make that change in that way. Either way, it’s useful information. If you feel the provider becomes defensive, irritated, or you are not feeling heard, it’s time to move on. Otherwise, vocalize to the therapist that you didn’t try X intervention because Y happened, and come up with alternatives. The process of solving a problem includes trying multiple options to determine the best course, and some trial and error is to be expected.

3. Be open with your side of the story, and feel free to debate if needed. 

You and your therapist are partners, and you certainly don’t want to be antagonistic. However, voicing a different opinion or experience, or telling the therapist, “no, that’s not it” is WELCOMED. Simply stated, we need to know if we’re off the mark, or you have another point of view. Believe it or not, voicing these differences actually goes a long way in helping me get to know you and understand your personality, which will then assist me in choosing future interventions. Certain methods are not as likely to work with certain tendencies, and if I know this, we can save a lot of time. Being as open as possible helps you not only solve your immediate issue, but helps us work best together as time goes on.

YOUR sessions are YOUR time to work on the goals that YOU outline. It’s not about the therapist, although I can hear the collective shudder of professionals everywhere as I write that. Argue, advocate, bicker, try things or don’t try things if you like. But it’s all up to you, and a good therapist will meet you where you are-even if we debate you along the way.

Take gentle care, and take on your mental health.

It’s All About Language

What language do you speak when it comes to feelings? Mental health? Diagnoses? Given the choice, how would you explain depression or anxiety or anger to a child you cared for? How would you want that child to see the world?
Being trained as a social worker, I learned what is called the “strengths perspective.” We focus on looking for what is good about a person and their environment, while the traditional medical model tends to look for what is wrong. I don’t fault the medical folks- it’s their job to find out the problem and determine the best course of treatment. But when it comes to a person’s mind and spirit, that’s not my preferred perspective. I like to look at all of it, not just pieces of one or the other, because knowing strengths can tell you much about how to fix the problem.
I believe it’s important to develop a language for feelings. It truly matters. Most of us don’t learn this in school or even from our families. If it were up to me, every school would have a class in feelings and how to regulate our emotions, as well as how to talk about them. Instead, what tends to happen is we grow up using whatever skills we’ve figured out (some that are helpful, and others that are maladaptive) and we go out in the world and sort of mess up a little and maybe get a diagnosis or two, and wonder what is wrong with us. We wonder what is wrong with us.
Allow me to share my perspective: There is nothing wrong with you. 
 
There is completely nothing wrong with you. There are many things wrong with the world, but not with you. There are definitely real diagnoses, and perhaps you’re someone that has one or more in your medical file. But that’s not something wrong. That is simply “what is.” 
It’s all about language.
Things “are” in the same way that you are a certain height. Typically, it’s not acceptable to ask someone, “Why are you so tall?” because we recognize these things just are. While someone’s height may be striking to us, we accept it as out of that person’s control. They just grew that way. It just is.

Your feelings are no different. Once we can accept that we feel certain things and our brain works in certain ways, we can move forward. Once we can agree that we just are, we understand there is nothing wrong. There may be things we don’t like about ourselves, or things we want to change or improve upon, but that’s a separate issue. Certainly if we have unsafe or harmful behaviors, we want to eradicate them so we can live a life in recovery. People sometimes have behaviors that are harmful because at the time, it seemed like the best option to handle their feelings. Coming to a new understanding about how we arrived in that place can help us release the judgment and forgive ourselves, and gives us a new language with which to think and speak of our emotions. It allows us to move forward, instead of critiquing where we’ve been. Understanding “what is” is not denying there are problems-it is simply removing the self-blame and accepting how you got there so you can do things differently in the future.
There is nothing wrong. We are all totally imperfect, flawed, tenacious, and strong people. A diagnosis is not a chip in the armor. Do not believe those who dismiss that mental health diagnoses are documented, neurological disorders. If you see things within yourself that you want to change, please find the resources to meet your goals, and if you are doing things that are unhealthy or harmful, you must keep yourself safe. But always understand you are never starting from a deficit. Plant your feet in your strengths-they will tell you how to find your solution and meet your goals.
And watch your language. 

Worrywart

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

I always tell myself I have no time for worry. I truly don’t. Like you, I’m a busy person and feel the blur of the calendar days rushing by before I know it’s happening. Besides, what good does it do us to worry? What good does it do to know this, but still not be able to stop?

Many of us want validation and reassurance from the people we care about. We want to know if others think we’re okay, if they agree with us, or if we’re right about something. This doesn’t make us arrogant, or obnoxious, or anything other than human. It makes us care about ourselves and our situations, and the world around us. It makes us want to do better. It helps us grow and figure out solutions. Believe it or not, there is place for worry that can be honored, when we find out where our hearts go when our minds aren’t paying attention.

How do we know when we think too much about what others think, and worry becomes more pathological than productive? When it changes our decisions more often than not. When we are preoccupied with those people or situations. When it derails us from what we know deep down to be true and real. When we begin acting on the behalf of others for the sake of their opinion of us and forgo what we need to do for ourselves. When we get confirmation of what others think, and we realize we’ve been wrong the whole time, and wasted mental energy on things not productive or healthy. When we ignore our own well-being or rational voice of reason, or we literally cannot stop our process. When worry crosses these thresholds, we call it obsessive or ruminating in nature. It’s an important distinction from thoughts that do not impede daily functioning or quality of life. Regardless of a diagnosis, we can all benefit from thinking differently about our thoughts.

I like to think of it like running a race. There are many factors at play- the weather, eating the right breakfast, if you have an injury, if you slept well- but the point is to keep running. It’s great to take notice of what others’ think, and even absorb it a little, but you must keep running toward the finish. What’s worse, when we assume what others think, we may not even be right. We might be preoccupied for no reason. Even if we are right, at some point we need to decide if it matters at all. How much do we care, and how much do we want to care?

Give yourself an opportunity to acknowledge your concerns, and then decide what to keep and what to discard. I give myself an 80/20 rule for any given situation-I have a busy mind, and so about 80 percent of what might enter my mind can be acknowledged but not internalized. Put it in perspective for yourself before allowing it to derail you from a decision you have to make, and do not allow your mind to take up more time than is needed. If it’s truly in the rational, logical twenty percent, do something about it and move on. Otherwise, practice mindfulness and witness the thoughts, but don’t allow yourself to get caught up in a process that is no longer productive.

Don’t let anyone slow you down, and refuse to be distracted by outside people or forces. Run strong-shoulders back and eyes ahead. Keep your confidence up and your doubts away. Even if it’s your natural tendency to worry, push it aside. If it truly matters, it will come to light. If it doesn’t, you’ll soon be able to tell that, too. We have all the answers that we need at the moment that we need them. If you don’t have an answer right now, the question can wait.

I Expect, You Expect, We All Expect

“Expectations were like fine pottery. The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack.” -Brandon Sanderson, The Way Of Kings

I dejectedly put my winter coat back on this morning.

After the last couple of weeks of warm(ish) weather, it was a hard thing to do. We’ve had a taste of spring and it’s a huge tease for those of us that look forward to the warmth and longer days. Have you noticed how after having a few 65-70 degree days, when the thermometer dips back down in the 40s, it feels absolutely frigid? Our bodies are no longer acclimated to the cold temperatures the way they are day after day in the winter months. Once it gets a bit warmer, we start to hope, and (dare I say it!) expect the warmer days.

We expect that it will warm up by March, by Easter, or by the equinox. We expect that when daylight savings time comes, it will be comfortable enough to ditch the winter coat. We do this to ourselves all the time, especially with our moods and relationships.

Many times I expect something and I don’t even realize it until I’m disappointed, and only after thinking it through do I process that I wanted a different outcome. We all have our baseline beliefs about the world and our relationships, and here are some examples:

  • We expect that the world around us will follow a sense of order and logic
  • We expect that people we love won’t deliberately hurt us
  • We sometimes expect that if we properly treat our mood disorder, it will not relapse or worsen
  • We sometimes expect that if we’ve “done everything right” than reward should follow
  • We sometimes expect that others around us are also interested in doing the right thing 

Obviously, these statements are not always true. At times, we relax into these philosophies about the world and only when they are challenged do we confront the discrepancy to understand our disappointment, anxiety, and pain. This emotional process can compound any that is already being triggered. For example, the death of a very young person tends to challenge our expectations and beliefs about the world. Children are supposed to outlive their parents. Young adults are supposed to have a whole life ahead of them. When events such as these call our expectations into question, it can compound the grief process. Sadness and devastation is certainly a typical response, but expectations that go unrecognized or unprocessed can get us stuck for longer periods of time.

Be aware and cautious of your expectations. Knowing that you are hoping instead of expecting can make a world of difference. If your response to a situation or mood seems disproportionate or irrational, try to get to the bottom of what you’re feeling. Just like the weather, our feelings are not always linear, logical, or rational. Just because our calendar says spring has begun doesn’t mean it won’t snow (at least in the Mid-Atlantic!) What we can do is be understanding with ourselves and our loved ones. We can know that there are times we hoped or expected more, to grieve the difference-the empty space between what is and what we think should be.

Spring will arrive here eventually, but I’m going to switch to hoping I don’t need my coat next week.